Magic Monday: What’s Conditioning Go To Do With It?
Words of Manic Monday by The Bangles and modified by Susan Shaner. Musician: Dan Brodax.
Where can you find the magic at work?Last week we talked about how terror makes you acutely aware of your gap: how far you are from where you want to be. Today I am asking you to analyze how your conditioning supports or impedes your ability to close that gap. The belief that you can or can’t do something is a huge factor in your success.
I always told my daughter she was smart and creative and if she worked hard enough, she could do or be anything she set her mind to. When she was 7 or 8 years old, she was trying to unfasten the bolt on the handlebars on her bicycle so we could raise it. It was really stuck. She began grunting and groaning trying with all her might to loosen it. I tried and realized it was stronger than both of us. She pulled the bike back from me. I asked her to let my friend, Dan, try as the bolt was really stuck.
She wouldn’t let go of the bike. I said, “It’s too hard. Let him do it.”
She screamed in agonizing frustration, “NOOOO!!!! I can do it!!! You always told me I could do anything!”
Stopped in my tracks, my mind raced. She was resilient and strong-willed – a good thing. How do I help her understand when to persevere against all odds, when to accept help and when to accept the limitations of her ability in an empowered way? Big questions for a young girl and even bigger questions that we live with as adults.
My daughter is now a freshwoman at a highly competitive college, so clearly she got past the defeat of the bicycle. Since, she and I have had dozens of conversations about navigating what I call the discernment space: how to know when you need to push forward – work harder, smarter or be more disciplined - and when you need to let go and accept help or give up and realize your limitations and cull the learnings to move forward differently.
This week’s reflection question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?