Follow up Friday: Being Liked Or Respected – Can You Be Both?

This week’s question: What conditioning supports or impedes you in accomplishing what you want?

Here’s is what I noticed with one of my clients who is struggling with her leadership team. She really wants to be liked, and for people to love working for her. She feels her leadership team is holding her back by not being proactive and not doing what they say they will do. So, this week we explored the difference between being nurturing and holding people accountable.

She said she didn’t have any female role models who could do both – women are either too nurturing and pushovers or too firm and called b—hes for being assertive. What does this story have to do with conditioning? Everything! We have a cultural, collective conditioning around gender stereotypes. Why is it not okay for a woman leader to be both nurturing and assertive in holding people accountable? How can women do this?

Of course this applies to men also – stereotypically men are more comfortable in holding people accountable than being nurturing.

Keeping either men or women stuck in one of these ways of being is not helpful. We need both men and women leaders to exercise both characteristics – nurture and develop their people – but also be firm and hold them accountable when they haven’t done something that they need to do or the way in which they need to do it.Another way to explore these two polarities is to wrestle with the question how can you be liked and also be respected for making tough decisions?

In the case of my client, she is making progress on her pattern of not acting on what she knows she needs to do. Do you have a pattern of behaving that is getting in the way of your success? Do you need help replacing it with a more effective pattern? If so, I’d love to hear from you and see how I can help.