Why Do We Hesitate to Share What We Know?
I just got off a call with a client, let’s call them Pat, who is working on being more influential with senior leaders. Pat is a senior leader themselves. They are highly affiliative and great at putting people at ease. They tend toward introversion and will let others talk. It’s not that they don’t have a point of view – they usually do. It’s that they take great care in allowing others to be heard and feel included. They don’t feel the need to compete for attention or to be heard. When they have something that they feel needs to be said, then they say it – calmly and deliberately.
And, their affiliative style can be an overused strength. We all want to be liked. Some people major in it. Some people would rather be respected than liked, and are not shy about “ruffling feathers” if they feel it needs to be done.
Regardless of whether you are hesitant to speak or not, it’s important that people like you enough as a leader so they feel comfortable with you and will listen and follow you. There will be times, if you are a leader of change, when people won’t like your decisions or what you have to say. But if you can communicate the rationale, and with respect, that is 80% of influencing your constituents. At least if they understand your decision, even if they are unhappy with it, they will be more likely to hear it and eventually move toward it.
Pat is working on speaking up, leading change, and proactively putting their voice, their point of view, into key conversations.
Why do we hesitate to share what we know? The answer is different depending upon who you are and your preferred communication and interaction style.
Some people don’t want to share because knowledge is power and they think it will give their power away or give someone else an edge over them.
Some people aren’t confident that they really know what they are talking about, even though they do.
Some people want to be liked and are afraid that they may offend someone or not everyone will agree with them, or like them, or their point of view.
Power. Confidence. Likability.
What is your reason? When, why do you hesitate? Maybe you are someone who is always the first to speak and not shy to share. Maybe you could be more hesitant and give others room to share.
Where are you on the spectrum of sharing and being hesitant? How could you benefit from being more confident and sharing or being more reticent and allowing others room to share? Where do you need to remind yourself that you really do know what you are talking about? Or maybe you do need a reality check and could benefit from hearing others? Understand your habitual starting point and what might need to be recalibrated.
How could these calibrations help you, your colleagues and what you are collectively trying to accomplish? How can you experiment with calibrating yourself differently based upon a person or situation you need to address today?
Suze Shaner is an executive coach and leadership & organization effectiveness consultant. She also teaches yoga and meditation – tools to keep one sane in uncertain times. She helps professionals step up to their fullest leadership, life and growth potential. At times this means getting out of their own way in getting important stuff accomplished. www.sagelead.com.