My daughter is in high school, the next town over, 15 minutes from the shootings. I received a recorded call about 11:00, “Schools are on lockdown due to the situation at Newtown.” I had no idea what was gong on.

I don’t have a TV so searched online for “news Newtown CT.” Ironically while this was unfolding, my cable company came and I obtained TV for the first time in 2 years. The timing was fortunate in that I was able to quickly pull up the news and am watching the news unfold as I write this.

Our modern age has boundaries more porous than ever. The fact that this gunman was able to get into the school is unbelievable. Also, I was able to text my daughter and reassure her. She told me they didn’t have a lot of news but were in their classrooms carrying on class and the teacher and students were online trying to get news.

At first, it was just the gunman dead. Then one child dead. Now they are saying 27 people dead, 18 of them children. As I write this the numbers are changing. The gunman is 20 years old. These are elementary school students!

It’s been 13 years since Columbine – and this appears to be many more lives. I’m all for freedom of rights but how many more of our children need to be killed before we look more seriously at gunlaws?

The world has become a scarier place with many people in pain and taking it out on those around them. How do we simultaneously protect our children, observe, notice and treat those in pain? How many more children need to die before better actions are taken?

As part of my yoga community, I was planning a healing circle tonight. Now we will have a much fuller circle – of shock and pain join us.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

“I learned I wasn’t in charge of success.  I was in charge of the process that hopefully would yield more success than failure.  I began to be guided by three navigational stakes:

1. My process and my diligence to execute was the best I could do.
2. My attitude and determination to remain positive and confident was a critical catalyst for my success.
3. My resiliency and ability to see failure as but a speed bump on the road to success allowed me to get back up when I was knocked down. “

These are keen insights from Peter Gruber, in his blog post: “Dealing With The Turkeys In Your Life.” At a time, when we are experiencing a lot of chaos, uncertainty and failure – by leaders, corporations and organizations – it’s important to take a longer-term perspective and understand the science of success. You cannot omit failure from the equation, particularly if you are wrestling with building alternative solutions in a complex and changing landscape.

The key is accepting and working with this reality, learning to play and keep your ego in check. Really living like you can’t control others and events, is the first step to wisdom. Acting on what you can control and accepting what you can’t is necessary to taking control of your life or your organization. Anyone in sales will tell you, being successful is a numbers game.

I hate sports analogies but a baseball one is helpful here: the more times up at bat the greater your opportunity to score runs. The more you risk, the greater your chances of succeeding are. This also raises your chance of failing as well. Babe Ruth, an American baseball player who, in his day, beat the record for highest number of homeruns, also had a significantly high number of strikeouts. Why? Every time he was up at bat he gave it his all and was trying for the homerun. His homerun to hits was about 3:1.

If you aren’t risking and sticking your neck out until you feel uncertain, then you are missing an opportunity for real growth – which always lies beyond that which you know or have mastered. Once you’ve done your due diligence and analysis, any decision has an element of artistry or judgment. These days that element may be more pronounced. Failure must accompany sustained or repeated success. Accept this and move on.

It’s not about never failing but asking yourself, what do you do when you fail? Cover it up, rationalize it or own it. How do you learn from it and incorporate it into you how you move forward? What kind of support do you need to increase and sustain the amount of time you are stretched out on a limb?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

The other day I took the train into New York City and arrived at Grand Central Station 45 minutes early for my appointment. This gave me time to walk downstairs to use the restroom. As I hit the last step I suddenly noticed a light, gorgeous melodic sound floating through the air. I couldn’t place it’s source and thought maybe it was being pumped in from the ceiling. Then I sensed it was coming from behind a 3 foot pillar. I walked around the post and discovered a treasure – a gentleman, wearing a derby hat with a tie playing the harp. Yep, he’s the “HarpguyNYC,” Otherwise known as Eric Heger.

Harp

Like an angel from heaven. He sat there gracious, smiling and plucking away. I could have carried on, walking bruskly by like everyone around me. But I decided to stay and appreciate this wonderful gift – and to film him on my iphone. What amazed me even more is he was selling his CDs and his sign read: “Pay What You Want.” What does this mean really? Pay what you have? Pay what you think this CD is worth? Pay what you are willing to pay? Pay what you can get away with?

This man trusted he would somehow be taken care of and get what he needed. Or get what he deserved. There was no fear emanating from him.

I did pick up a CD and put $20 in his case which seemed so little for this concert and attitude uplift.

A mere 10 minute pause and my energy was shifted. A twinkle below grade added a lightness to my day and sparkle in my step. And it allowed me to take an important lesson of trust from this gifted musician.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the United States – a day that is just about having a meal with family and friends and being grateful for what we have. It’s my favorite holiday because it is not about what you are giving or getting but about appreciating what you have with those you love and who love and appreciate you.

At a time when much of the world is in pain and chaos, let’s focus on what can help us walk through the thick of it with more grace and peace. Look around and notice the music in your life. Where do things work? Where is there flow? And be grateful. Just for Today.

Thank you for reading.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

I took a break from this blog for 100 days to regroup on my personal and professional life. All I knew is that I needed time to integrate some deeply disturbing personal matters and to not be so public for a time. And despite what I did or didn’t do, stuff happens anyway.

It’s amazing what a business quarter can bring…. And it’s amazing what radical inner re-sculpting events can activate.

My world changed forever and completely in this time:

My father died suddenly and unexpectedly.
Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the Northeast U.S.
The U.S. re-elected President Obama.

My worked carried on but I am different on the inside being effected by these events:

I take nothing for granted.
I am working on radical acceptance of what is.
I have tremendous gratitude for what I have and who I am.

Just those three events aroused a ton of of other emotions in me: grief, sadness, relief, safety, insecurity, loss, hope, joy.

Even though I was able to sit vigil and say good-bye to my dad while the infection that ravaged his body took him within a week, he is still gone and I miss him. Even though I suffered minimal damage from the hurricane, thousands are still suffering and I’m aware of that. Even though I chose Obama as being the better of no-perfect candidate, his re-election still has implications.

Profound loss for what was, what could have been. I’m working on accepting what is. …and understanding what it means for my life going forward.

That’s all for now. Sometimes taking pause and breathing in change is enough. For now.

It’s like in my yoga practice – one of the greatest poses is shavasana. This is where you are lying down resting. It allows for your body to integrate all that has come before it to help it reset itself. In our culture allowing for integration is not valued. We rarely pause and are on to the next thing. Ebb and flow is the grace of nature that can be our greatest teacher, if we allow it.

Sometimes nothing happens on the outside but we change drastically inside. Sometimes major things happen externally and we don’t change inside. Sometimes it’s hard to change both our external circumstances and our worldview at once. All change requires energy – and we have a finite amount to manage. When things are moving, you need stability somewhere to navigate the waters. Slow down and listen. I am talking to myself here.

I’m learning to allow more space between activity and accomplishments. This fosters integration, the precursor to wisdom.

What is new in your world – either on the inside or the outside?

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Todd Plitt gives a great depiction of how technology is changing the way we grieve. When referring to attending a funeral via live video stream, John Reed (a funeral director) says, “The new generation has grown up with this type of technology. As we move forward, we’re going to see more people who want to do this. The older people will die off, and their values will leave with them.” This was not necessary and extreme – especially given the topic!

I see nothing wrong with attending virtually if one absolutely cannot make it live. I would hope that this would not end up being the norm. Face-to-face human contact, particularly at a time like this, is very important to the bereaved. If human contact dies off, where are we as a species – too busy to take a break from our digital devices to be present?

Technology DOES have a place in the grief process – memories via Facebook (such as Angelo Merendino’s page dedicated to his wife who died of breast cancer), online blogs, guest books, etc. Just keep it in perspective.

A great example of this is when a member of my church lost her husband quickly and unexpectedly this year, someone organized a meal sign up for several months using meal-train. It eliminated the need for phone trees and increased efficiency – and facilitated sensitivity to the bereft’s grieving process. The griever puts their preferences online: how and when to deliver food (so she doesn’t have to be home) and dietary restrictions. The rest of the community signs up and delivers. The bereaved can have her space but also knows we are here if she wants to talk.

Grief is one of the rawest of emotions where you are cracked open and vulnerable. The process is unpredictable and painful. No machine can comfort you. Comments on your Facebook page help but when you shut down the computer if you don’t at some point have a human witness in flesh there with you to give you what you need – a hug, hold your hand, or to just listen – then you are at best prolonging your grief and at worst exacerbating your emotional state.

Nothing can ever replace mindful, compassionate presence. This is why we are messy human BEINGS versus efficient processing MACHINES.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Well, this is refreshing!  Women shouldn’t have to hide the fact that we are parents at work or feel that it takes away from our effectiveness. I agree with Sheryl Sandberg that being a parent, particularly a mom, is an advantage and fosters a range of capabilities from which our employers and clients benefit. And I believe that work helps with organization at home. If you don’t have time, here are the cliff notes:

1. Sustainable perspective – future generations, etc.

2 Flexiblity – moms wear all hats so are master adapters.

3. More accepting of other’s challenges – raising kids is a great experiment in human development, imperfection has to be tolerated or we go insane.

4. Letting others grow – our kids figure life out despite us!

5. Relief – being a mom is the hardest job in the world – having a break can be great for both mom and child(ren).

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

When one is divorced, unfortunately there is a lot of societal judgment and shame. I like to think this is changing as we move collectively to supporting more truth, learning and authentic relationships. Leading parallel lives is easy. Truly intimate relationships are not easy, requiring sacrifice and compromise from both partners daily – in large and small ways. The reward is the promise of connection and an easier, more fulfilling life than if one were alone.

If one has worked hard in their relationship and the other person isn’t doing their part or there is abuse, then the choice to separate is life giving and healthy for both as it will catalyze some kind of change in both partners – such as peace, acceptance, responsibility (maybe anger!). I see all of it as a healing process. It is a death needing to be grieved: loss of a dream and a connection.

All grief requires support – time and space. After divorce what is reasonably sufficient time to expect someone to move on from the marriage and memories – 1, 2, 3 years – or should this be never? After all, there may have been some great times amidst the pain. The divorcee may still love their spouse and wished it had worked but knows it can’t for whatever reason. Also, they may have children together. When the divorcee remarries, is it okay to grieve that loss in front of their new partner or should they do this in private? If they are still grieving, what does this say – about them, their former marriage, their current marriage? Is it okay to still remember anniversaries and “the” court date (death of the marriage)? Some may celebrate the court date every year! How should the new spouse respond?

When one is widowed society gives unquestionable and ongoing compassion and support – forever. Maybe this is because in some sense the end of the relationship is outside the grieving spouse’s control and they didn’t want the connection to end. And, of course, others grieve the loss of the departed. Death removes all blemishes and strengthens the best virtues. The spouse left behind is a victim of circumstances and life changed whether they wanted it to or not. If the person remarries, is it okay to have this grief continue into the new marriage in front of the new spouse for many years or forever, or should the partner deal with their grief separately?  How should the new spouse respond?

Could it not be true with divorce, the partner also did not want the relationship to end and, either it was outside their control or they knew no other life affirming choice? Why are “divorced people” branded as failures versus courageous relationship warriors risking the absolute devastation of a broken heart for the promise of a healthier, more truthful life?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Here is a fun video by Martin Boroson that introduces meditating in a simple and easy way. Whether you are an advanced meditator or have never meditated, take 5 minutes to watch this clip and sink back into your skin.

Meditating is particularly good for people who are busy, stressed or already successful. Meditation is a vital skill for the leader of the 21st century. It enables you to stay in the moment to best identify where your attention should be placed deliberately versus reacting to what shouts the loudest.

In an age of relentless competing attention, rachet it down. Just for today.

Enjoy.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

In my last post, I discuss Asana, the company. Founders, Moskovitz and Rosenstein are contributing to the global shift occurring on the planet right now that espouses we are interconnected, transitioning from me to we.  They are living their belief that they can turn a profit in a way that does the least harm and actually contributes to social good.

They believe groups create larger contributions to the world than individuals. They operate from the premise that all problems are solvable if we work together. “While corporations are excellent vehicles for collecting resources and making money to build better services, they are also excellent vehicles for creating joy and alleviating suffering.”

This sounds like Buddha in business attire.

Rubinstein says, “As a collective, co-creators do great things vs. human resources who extract things…. companies [should be] a means to an end to create joy on earth.”

Finally, they espouse a radical concept and departure from traditional corporate speak: Transparency of being – “let people be who they are…” don’t make them have to switch modes when they come to work.

What if you worked for a company that supported all of who you are? What if our corporate culture shifted from exploitation to working partnership to create life nurturing goods and services versus selling us things we don’t really need or want?

I heard a financial analyst the other day give an overview on his view of the economy. “We have been living beyond our means for 30 years.  We now have to lower our expectations.”

This we know. The real question is, can we come together as a nation, as a world and think differently about how we make money and about how much money we really need? Afterall, whatever you make, you can’t take it with you when you go.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Asana – not just a yoga pose but a company!

Dustin Moskovitz and Justin Rosenstein founded Asana to enable teams to accomplish their goals more effectively. They do this by leveraging technology to form a collective memory, a “source of truth” as they describe it. They facilitate self organization so others see the information – and have a more immediate way of acting on it. It’s like a fluid project management system.

Do you suffer from continual partial attention? Their objective is to facilitate optimizing your energy with what is most important at any given time.

These entrepreneurs embody and apply what they know to be true:

• Powering through things and driving yourself is not what makes you most effective.
• Doing sprints, with rests in-between is more effective (as described in Loehr’s and Schwartz’s The Power of Full Engagement).
• In order to do creative work, it is important as an individual and as a company to understand your energy patterns and work with those in a deliberate way.
• It is possible to be in sync – work in harmony with a higher spiritual mission and be a business and a successful company.

Company practices that support these beliefs:

• They have a company chef to make good, nutritious food, in order to maximize energy levels.
• They align their people with a mindfulness practice – to pay attention to what they are doing and how they are doing it.
• Every Friday they have a TGIF where they share one thing they are excited about and one opportunity to put more attention to.

Food for thought….

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com