The field of coaching as a structured profession is new and loosely defined. I’m an experienced business and leadership coach. I am also a trained therapist.

I left the field of therapy at 27 to go into business. At that time, one of my clients who had schizophrenia said to me, “Well you are an okay therapist but you are too young. Go out in the world and get some life experience and then you’ll be a good therapist.” When I told my other client I was leaving, she said, “I hope you drop dead.” And then hung up. So goes the life of a therapist! Lol.

Having now worked in business for over 20 years, I found my clients words to ring true – not dropping dead!  I can attest to the richness of my work and life experience making me a better coach, counselor, and consultant.

The clinical training I received has been invaluable in my coaching and facilitation work in terms of:

1. Understanding what is required for significant, sustainable behavior change.

2. Understanding group dynamics and how to best leverage them to facilitate insight and learning.

3. Having an appreciation for how many people are “in the room” when talking with a client.

4. Understanding how to keep boundaries between “my stuff” and my client’s “stuff” in service of what is really helpful for the goals of our engagement and their development.

I have been in many industry discussions focused on differentiating the distinction between therapy and coaching – and have yet to find a clear definition that is accurate and concrete. I heard it said, “While coaching holds that the client is whole, resourceful, capable and creative, therapy does not.” Many therapists would take exception.

When you are working with “the worried well”, the lines are gray. The overlap is both coaches and therapists work in the realm of emotions. Today our problems are more complex so require both head and heart, thoughts and feelings.

While many therapists lead with emotions, they may also work on left brain strategies to heal their clients. With matters of the heart, you can’t always hold the results to a timeline and the cathartic process can be charged and messy. Coaching work is time bound, to monitor and measure results. While coaches may lead with left brain approaches, they need to address emotions in order to get at the roots of sustainable change. All true change takes place in the context of safety and trusted relationships.

To me, the bottom line for coaching is: have the coach and coachee created an alliance of the client’s design that will help him or her achieve their goals? Does the coach have a diverse toolkit that can help his/her client see and feel the possible and make real, measurable progress against it?

Is the coach serving as a safe sounding board. co-strategist and giving their client timely, candid feedback? This is the heart of coaching. Nothing more, nothing less.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

If an executive coach is what you seek, first make sure the person has experience working in a business context on business and leadership issues and not selling life coaching experience.

If a life coach is what you seek, the clearer and more narrow you can be on what you want to work on, the more successful you’ll be in finding a coach who can meet your needs. Instead of overall “life” try to focus on one key area such as lifestyle, losing weight, meditation, relationships, or career. Split focus will get you dissipated results and you may not find a coach who really has expertise in your chosen area.

Cedric Johnson, a Psychologist and Consultant, concisely summarized key questions that qualify a person to coach another. Does this person:

1. Have knowledge and skills in behavior change?

2. Deeply understand the world of their clients?

3. Have supervision and direct feedback on an ongoing basis?

4. Have a self-knowledge and self regulation not to get dragged into the emotional morass of the client?

5. Have wisdom and experience not to practice outside of their area of competence?

6. See real lasting change in their clients as a result of their service?

My adds:

1. What is their approach and orientation to the work?

2. Ask for referrals: from your potential coach; from your friends and colleagues who have worked with someone they liked – and got results with.

Once you have screened on competence and expertise, the final cut is for chemistry/fit. You need to develop a trusted advisor relationship with your coach, otherwise you are marginalizing or jeopardizing your success. All true change takes place within a context of safety that will allow you to take risks, search, test, practice and grow. Factor your gut into the equation.

Ultimately you want someone who is willing to share “graceful truths” with you – tell you the truth in a direct way that you can hear it and act on it.

What do you think?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Many of you are two weeks into your New Year’s resolution – addressing something you want to change about yourself or your life. Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, defines “commitment” as: “The act of answering: solving … a formal expression of opinion, will or intent.”

What problem are you trying to solve – being too heavy, too loud, out of shape, bored? What do you believe about this problem or opportunity? What do you REALLY have the will to address? As Merriam says, are you emotionally “impelled” to do it?

Impelled implies a force that you need to exert. This is key – and why many resolutions are dead by February 1st.

If you really want to stop or start something – you need a lift off to get you going. Shake up the status quo.

Step 1. Enlisting others for a push, pull or support is critical: your boss, peers, spouse, kids, your best friend or a formal support group.

Step 2. Try.

Step 3. Try again.

Step 4. Repeat steps 2 and 3 as often as necessary.

Real commitment to a change implies you are convinced about your decision, belief, direction. Your belief must be unshakeable, despite setbacks or falling off focus. Expect these. They will happen.

As Mary Robinson, the first President of Ireland said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

This is commitment – sticking with it – and trying again, and again and again. If it were easy, it wouldn’t require a Commitment. Really. So, yesterday was a miss. What is your “again” today?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Seth Godin has a way of cutting to the core on an issue in a really impactful way.

Sometimes it’s the simplest idea, just executed – or executed well – that only matters.

Want to lose 10 pounds? Eat less. Exercise more.

Simple formula.

WE are the ones who complicate matters – our physiology, our will, our fears. There is no shortage of reasons WHY we CAN’T do something.

If you are trying to achieve something that you’ve been working on a for a while, I have two simple questions for you to reflect on:

Do you REALLY want it?

WHY?

If you REALLY want it and it’s for an energizing, positive reason, the rest is easy. The commitment and motivation are 80% of the ingredients. If it’s compelling enough, you can find a way to get the support, tools or resources you need. The hardest part is figuring out what you want and why.

…or being honest with yourself if you are really COMMITTED to it.

If you are not committed, drop it. Save yourself, your spouse, your boss, your parents a lot of heartache, time and money.

Sometimes, the hardest word is no.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.         www.sagelead.com

Ben and Jerry’s gave out ice cream to the protesters on Wall Street this week.

This action generated a lot of questions for me: is it possible to be a corporate entity and support those protesting “corporate greed” and asking banks and their leaders to be accountable for money they received via the government bailout?

Is it possible to be a person or corporation that benefits from the current business models but to also see that there may be other possibilities?

Is it possible to fight for social causes and be concerned with making money/delivering value to your clients and shareholders?

At what point does too much money become too much?

What can social advocates and business leaders learn from each other?

Can we be “one of them” and also “one of us?” How do we dance the the dance of duality and remain in dialogue to foster creative solutions?

We only need to look as far as our political leaders to see that once we get positional and dig our heels in, solutions are stymied. Staying connected and dialoguing is the goal. When that stops, game over.

One thing I do know – despite our many flaws, we live in a great country and we need each other now more than ever to get out of this mess alive. Can we dance in the gray areas? Can it be yes, and?

Yes, we can’t be naive to agendas. Yes, a little ice cream can go a long way to smoothing edges and satiating hungry bellies.

What’s your take on it?

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com

Deep insight, intensive workshops, breakthrough coaching sessions, a cataclysmic life event… these all are catalysts for change. These are the events that many wanting change seek.

We can come off these events with a high, with a great uplift in our motivation or a low searching for meaning, answers.
THEN, reality sets in and the heavy lifting of integrating these events – emotional and mental shifts and behavior change – into our daily living sets in.

This is where I see the need for an uncommon practice to take root: realistic optimism. How do you stay optimistic and steady with your practice of behavior change despite what you know, despite how hard it may be, despite the lack of support you may face in your environment? How do you keep the faith and believe you can do it? How do you acknowledge the incremental, daily changes you do make?
Regardless of what others say, savor what you know to be true. Savor your improvements. These are the roots that grow great fruit.

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com

It rests not just in legislation but with how providers choose to behave in their day-day patient interactions. Thomas Dahlborg has a great blog that reflects on putting “care” back into health care and that this is what doctor’s promise when they take their oath.

This week, I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon on a benign biopsy. In a cost-conscious, productivity-minded system, I experienced my doctor as a humble, accountable human.

My appointment last week was cancelled last minute because he had emergency surgery. I rescheduled this week and his office called me the morning of my appointment – they had a cancellation, did I want to come in earlier? I said yes.

After sitting in the waiting and then patient room for 50 minutes, I still hadn’t seen the doctor. My time is valuable and sitting around during a weekday is money spent for me. I poked my head out of the room to see if he was in sight. As I opened the door, the doctor came in. I shared my experience: “I’m flexible but this is enough waiting.” He immediately said, “I’m sorry. I take full responsibility.”

Wow. This stopped me in my tracks. How refreshing. He then took his time to explain everything to me in language I could understand. He was not arrogant, curt, or harried. He was slow, focused, deliberate and present with me. I was a real human in front of him. He spent whatever time I needed to answer my questions.

This is all we ask of our healthcare providers: To remember that they are treating a whole person who has an ailment, not an ailment attached to a person. My doctor demonstrated empathy, care and compassion – an often low-leveraged human technology that shifts one’s experience. His behavior may have been helped by the fact that he was just back from his own medical leave after having surgery. Perhaps he could more easily walk in my shoes.

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com

Growing a Faith Community has it’s own unique leadership challenges. Given my professional background, I was asked by the President of the Board of my church to lead a team to study what would be entailed to grow our congregation. There ended up being 6 of us, including the President and Minister on the team. It was one of the most rewarding team experiences for me personally – and the Board was happy with our results. When I reflect on why, it had to do with our individual and collective love and passion for what we stand for, and that we set up a culture of learning within the team and best leveraged each others’ background and expertise – and some of my own personal learnings about my faith and myself as a leader. As is expected in any team, we had our share of tension with very different backgrounds, learning, communication and work styles.

This challenged us to not just give lip service, but to really live one of our guiding principles, “To respect the inherent worth and dignity of all persons” within the context of our work. We are a volunteer organization, working around multiple schedules, and trying to do good work that doesn’t get too protracted so we can make needed progress.

We initially started out thinking we could accomplish our task in 3-6 months. As we moved into the real learning of the work, it evolved to 12 months – and we also learned that even “do-gooder, high mission” organizations can be afflicted by the potential for high achieving sabotage and at some point you need to declare victory. Particularly for any service-driven organization, the right balance of inputs and outputs requires necessary tending to so the active few don’t get burned out and the work stays right focused: generated from the mission and joy versus drive.

In allowing ourselves to live with what we were reading, reflecting on and discussing – to really go deep and be aware of our own process as well – we ended up making recommendations for how to move forward based on patience and wisdom, not fear. There are immediate things we could do yet there is also work that we need to live into. You may say, this is easier for a religious organization. Yet, I offer it is just as, or more challenging in some ways – because we have a diversity of beliefs within our religion (some don’t even like the word “church”) and we have the same challenge as all non-profits: making enough money not only to keep the lights on, but to get our message and work more broadly out into the world during these times of fear and crisis.

One challenge lies in being open to all regardless of their monetary means but also challenging those who can give more, to give – in proportion to what they feel they receive in kind – by way of community, support or inspiration. It reminds me of a clip on NPR this morning where a disgruntled listener complained that the station is too biased, but listens every morning, and won’t donate. He did agree to keep a log and share specific stories for one week. I say, it’s okay to challenge or criticize but if you receive or take, you could also give back in some way, whether it is your time, talent or treasure. People’s true values speak most loudly through their time and wallets …

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com

In “Neuroscience and Leadership: The Promise of Insights,” Richard Boyatzis discusses implications of recent studies that say a leader’s emotional state effects their employees – in as quickly as 8 milliseconds. That’s instantly. This is reminiscent of Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink.

“Our unconscious emotional states are arousing emotions in those with whom we interact before we or they know it. And it spreads from these interactions to others.”

Science is catching up with what many of us know intuitively. You know if your boss is having a good or bad day. You can feel their energy as they walk by. This is actually their electromagnetic field preceding them and you literally sense it.

Do you really need these studies to tell you it’s better to be social and engage your employees in positive, hopeful discussions versus being negative and only focusing on metrics?

What’s new is Boyatzis and Goldman, etc. continue to pave the way for making it okay for leaders to talk about “having techniques to notice [your] feelings (i.e., know that you are having feelings and become aware of them), label or understand what they are (i.e., giving a label to vague or gnawing sensations), and then signal yourself that you should do something to change your mood and state.”

Therapy or Coaching? Does it matter the label as long as we stay clear on the business goals and context to support more of your engaging, positive self showing up with your employees. The reality is coaching steals techniques from therapy and vice versa. The lines are blurred. Fostering greater emotional awareness doesn’t mean necessarily putting someone into psychoanalysis. The end goal is to have the leader “be” in such a way that s/he engenders an open environment where employees can do their most creative work. Isn’t this what all leaders want?

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com

There is a time to lead and a time to follow.

The true calling of a conscious leader in these changing times is recognizing which is which.
The complexities, dependencies and crises of today call for leaders to carry a lot.

How much do you carry?
When you can’t carry, how do you know it?
When you can’t carry, what do you do?
When you can’t carry, how do you ask for help?

When you can carry, what do you do?
When you can carry more because you feel full and you need to release your talents and gifts, what do you do?
When you can carry, how do you ask – what can I do to help?
When you can carry, how do you make it okay for others who can’t carry?
When you can carry, how do you care for others who can’t carry?

When you are upset at others who can’t carry, how do you recognize yourself in them?
When you are upset at others who are carrying, how do you recognize yourself in them?
We may all – leaders and followers – have our time of being in both places.

The conscious leader discerns when, and in what context to lead or follow.
Care.
Care.
Care.
But do not neglect Self-care.
You must make it okay to leave and come back to this, otherwise you will not lead from a full cup.

© Copyright 2011 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved. www.sagelead.com