Also in a sense you’re saying that it could feel more like an “invitation” – I am being myself – than an actual “promise” – making a decision?

Let’s get practical – if I am compassionate at my core but have to layoff 100 people and that tears at me – how do I get committed to that at my core when I fear for their futures? First, it makes it “okay” to say how we feel about those effected – and how it may effect us “I don’t want to be a bad guy.” And it could open another possibility that we are not “doing” a bad act necessarily… especially if Jane’s true desire at the core is be a fiction writer vs. a technical writer and this is just the kick in the butt she needed to get that novel done. If I know this, then suddenly I don’t feel so bad about laying Jane off. I am actually serving her as the catalyst to get herself in motion. I am not saying we are necessarily doing a favor to folks by laying them off – but inviting the possibility that there is more at play here than the reality we see and assumptions we make. If Jane and I are “real” with each other, I may say, “I don’t want to lay you off.” Jane may say, “Please give me the package so I have a cushion to pursue my real dream. Even though it still scares me to death to be all I can be – I am willing to take the risk in this way.” Here we are honest with ourselves and each other.

In a sense I’m not committing to anything. Consider for a moment that if we know each other as we truly are then commitment is irrelevant. We remove the roles, names, appearances and whatever else we use to describe ourselves from our view of one another. What’s left is that which we collectively share and know ourselves to be. So I am committed to seeing you as you truly are and from there make choices about the path I’ll follow, which helps make clear what I will and won’t do.

A whole lot of mess and uncertainty in there, as you suggest Susan. But that’s what makes the process so fun and exhilarating.