My daughter is in high school, the next town over, 15 minutes from the shootings. I received a recorded call about 11:00, “Schools are on lockdown due to the situation at Newtown.” I had no idea what was gong on.

I don’t have a TV so searched online for “news Newtown CT.” Ironically while this was unfolding, my cable company came and I obtained TV for the first time in 2 years. The timing was fortunate in that I was able to quickly pull up the news and am watching the news unfold as I write this.

Our modern age has boundaries more porous than ever. The fact that this gunman was able to get into the school is unbelievable. Also, I was able to text my daughter and reassure her. She told me they didn’t have a lot of news but were in their classrooms carrying on class and the teacher and students were online trying to get news.

At first, it was just the gunman dead. Then one child dead. Now they are saying 27 people dead, 18 of them children. As I write this the numbers are changing. The gunman is 20 years old. These are elementary school students!

It’s been 13 years since Columbine – and this appears to be many more lives. I’m all for freedom of rights but how many more of our children need to be killed before we look more seriously at gunlaws?

The world has become a scarier place with many people in pain and taking it out on those around them. How do we simultaneously protect our children, observe, notice and treat those in pain? How many more children need to die before better actions are taken?

As part of my yoga community, I was planning a healing circle tonight. Now we will have a much fuller circle – of shock and pain join us.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

The other day I took the train into New York City and arrived at Grand Central Station 45 minutes early for my appointment. This gave me time to walk downstairs to use the restroom. As I hit the last step I suddenly noticed a light, gorgeous melodic sound floating through the air. I couldn’t place it’s source and thought maybe it was being pumped in from the ceiling. Then I sensed it was coming from behind a 3 foot pillar. I walked around the post and discovered a treasure – a gentleman, wearing a derby hat with a tie playing the harp. Yep, he’s the “HarpguyNYC,” Otherwise known as Eric Heger.

Harp

Like an angel from heaven. He sat there gracious, smiling and plucking away. I could have carried on, walking bruskly by like everyone around me. But I decided to stay and appreciate this wonderful gift – and to film him on my iphone. What amazed me even more is he was selling his CDs and his sign read: “Pay What You Want.” What does this mean really? Pay what you have? Pay what you think this CD is worth? Pay what you are willing to pay? Pay what you can get away with?

This man trusted he would somehow be taken care of and get what he needed. Or get what he deserved. There was no fear emanating from him.

I did pick up a CD and put $20 in his case which seemed so little for this concert and attitude uplift.

A mere 10 minute pause and my energy was shifted. A twinkle below grade added a lightness to my day and sparkle in my step. And it allowed me to take an important lesson of trust from this gifted musician.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the United States – a day that is just about having a meal with family and friends and being grateful for what we have. It’s my favorite holiday because it is not about what you are giving or getting but about appreciating what you have with those you love and who love and appreciate you.

At a time when much of the world is in pain and chaos, let’s focus on what can help us walk through the thick of it with more grace and peace. Look around and notice the music in your life. Where do things work? Where is there flow? And be grateful. Just for Today.

Thank you for reading.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

I took a break from this blog for 100 days to regroup on my personal and professional life. All I knew is that I needed time to integrate some deeply disturbing personal matters and to not be so public for a time. And despite what I did or didn’t do, stuff happens anyway.

It’s amazing what a business quarter can bring…. And it’s amazing what radical inner re-sculpting events can activate.

My world changed forever and completely in this time:

My father died suddenly and unexpectedly.
Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the Northeast U.S.
The U.S. re-elected President Obama.

My worked carried on but I am different on the inside being effected by these events:

I take nothing for granted.
I am working on radical acceptance of what is.
I have tremendous gratitude for what I have and who I am.

Just those three events aroused a ton of of other emotions in me: grief, sadness, relief, safety, insecurity, loss, hope, joy.

Even though I was able to sit vigil and say good-bye to my dad while the infection that ravaged his body took him within a week, he is still gone and I miss him. Even though I suffered minimal damage from the hurricane, thousands are still suffering and I’m aware of that. Even though I chose Obama as being the better of no-perfect candidate, his re-election still has implications.

Profound loss for what was, what could have been. I’m working on accepting what is. …and understanding what it means for my life going forward.

That’s all for now. Sometimes taking pause and breathing in change is enough. For now.

It’s like in my yoga practice – one of the greatest poses is shavasana. This is where you are lying down resting. It allows for your body to integrate all that has come before it to help it reset itself. In our culture allowing for integration is not valued. We rarely pause and are on to the next thing. Ebb and flow is the grace of nature that can be our greatest teacher, if we allow it.

Sometimes nothing happens on the outside but we change drastically inside. Sometimes major things happen externally and we don’t change inside. Sometimes it’s hard to change both our external circumstances and our worldview at once. All change requires energy – and we have a finite amount to manage. When things are moving, you need stability somewhere to navigate the waters. Slow down and listen. I am talking to myself here.

I’m learning to allow more space between activity and accomplishments. This fosters integration, the precursor to wisdom.

What is new in your world – either on the inside or the outside?

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Todd Plitt gives a great depiction of how technology is changing the way we grieve. When referring to attending a funeral via live video stream, John Reed (a funeral director) says, “The new generation has grown up with this type of technology. As we move forward, we’re going to see more people who want to do this. The older people will die off, and their values will leave with them.” This was not necessary and extreme – especially given the topic!

I see nothing wrong with attending virtually if one absolutely cannot make it live. I would hope that this would not end up being the norm. Face-to-face human contact, particularly at a time like this, is very important to the bereaved. If human contact dies off, where are we as a species – too busy to take a break from our digital devices to be present?

Technology DOES have a place in the grief process – memories via Facebook (such as Angelo Merendino’s page dedicated to his wife who died of breast cancer), online blogs, guest books, etc. Just keep it in perspective.

A great example of this is when a member of my church lost her husband quickly and unexpectedly this year, someone organized a meal sign up for several months using meal-train. It eliminated the need for phone trees and increased efficiency – and facilitated sensitivity to the bereft’s grieving process. The griever puts their preferences online: how and when to deliver food (so she doesn’t have to be home) and dietary restrictions. The rest of the community signs up and delivers. The bereaved can have her space but also knows we are here if she wants to talk.

Grief is one of the rawest of emotions where you are cracked open and vulnerable. The process is unpredictable and painful. No machine can comfort you. Comments on your Facebook page help but when you shut down the computer if you don’t at some point have a human witness in flesh there with you to give you what you need – a hug, hold your hand, or to just listen – then you are at best prolonging your grief and at worst exacerbating your emotional state.

Nothing can ever replace mindful, compassionate presence. This is why we are messy human BEINGS versus efficient processing MACHINES.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

When one is divorced, unfortunately there is a lot of societal judgment and shame. I like to think this is changing as we move collectively to supporting more truth, learning and authentic relationships. Leading parallel lives is easy. Truly intimate relationships are not easy, requiring sacrifice and compromise from both partners daily – in large and small ways. The reward is the promise of connection and an easier, more fulfilling life than if one were alone.

If one has worked hard in their relationship and the other person isn’t doing their part or there is abuse, then the choice to separate is life giving and healthy for both as it will catalyze some kind of change in both partners – such as peace, acceptance, responsibility (maybe anger!). I see all of it as a healing process. It is a death needing to be grieved: loss of a dream and a connection.

All grief requires support – time and space. After divorce what is reasonably sufficient time to expect someone to move on from the marriage and memories – 1, 2, 3 years – or should this be never? After all, there may have been some great times amidst the pain. The divorcee may still love their spouse and wished it had worked but knows it can’t for whatever reason. Also, they may have children together. When the divorcee remarries, is it okay to grieve that loss in front of their new partner or should they do this in private? If they are still grieving, what does this say – about them, their former marriage, their current marriage? Is it okay to still remember anniversaries and “the” court date (death of the marriage)? Some may celebrate the court date every year! How should the new spouse respond?

When one is widowed society gives unquestionable and ongoing compassion and support – forever. Maybe this is because in some sense the end of the relationship is outside the grieving spouse’s control and they didn’t want the connection to end. And, of course, others grieve the loss of the departed. Death removes all blemishes and strengthens the best virtues. The spouse left behind is a victim of circumstances and life changed whether they wanted it to or not. If the person remarries, is it okay to have this grief continue into the new marriage in front of the new spouse for many years or forever, or should the partner deal with their grief separately?  How should the new spouse respond?

Could it not be true with divorce, the partner also did not want the relationship to end and, either it was outside their control or they knew no other life affirming choice? Why are “divorced people” branded as failures versus courageous relationship warriors risking the absolute devastation of a broken heart for the promise of a healthier, more truthful life?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

“A HeartMath^® IHM study showed that when a mother placed her attention on her infant, she became more sensitive to the subtle electromagnetic signals generated from the infant’s heart. The infant’s heart signal was clearly detected in the mother’s brainwaves.

Mysteries of the Heart

“It is not commonly known that a baby’s heart develops and begins beating in the fetus before the brain is formed. Or that the human heart possesses a complex energetic system that processes electromagnetic information that research shows can be detected up to three feet outside the body.

IHM’s research shows the heart produces 40 to 60 times more electrical amplitude than the brain. The heart acts like a director, and much of the rest of the human body follows its lead.

‘The heart puts out a powerful, rhythmic signal that the brain responds to,’ IHM Director of Research Dr. Rollin McCraty has explained. ‘In a way, we could say that the heart and brain ‘talk’ to one another, and together they set the rhythms for the entire nervous system and body.’

The heart also sends signals about how we feel. As we experience emotions such as happiness, sadness, love and fear, that emotional information is encoded in signals from the heart and projected around us.”

Christiane Northrup (a pioneer in Women’s Health) also cites studies that the baby’s cells can be detected in the mother’s blood for as long as 27 years of age after birth. This gives credence to why mother’s can also sense things in their young adult children. Incredible!

Whether it is the blood or the heart, there are biological reasons, not just emotional, as to why the mother/child connection is so strong. Happy Mother’s Day!

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Sherry Turkle speaks wise words when she says, “Always-on/always-on-you devices provide three powerful fantasies: that we will always be heard; that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be; and that we never have to be alone. Indeed our new devices have turned being alone into a problem that can be solved.”  …versus a mystery to be explored.

What would it mean to not be heard? How in control are you of where you place your attention? What does it mean to be alone?

Turkle’s written a book that explores how we are alone together. Technology’s promise is to support our lives by making the daily tasks of work and life easier.  This should free us up for more discretionary time – to create and be more present to ourselves and each other. It has the potential to bring us closer together. This is all good stuff. The problem is not with the technology but can be with us, the users, and how we interface with it.

Instead, sometimes we use technology to have little-to-no boundaries around our work/life. If not kept in-check, we can be addicted to our mobile devices – when we feel or have a fleeting thought, we express and update our social media status, with little mindful processing or editing inbetween. We can interface with ourselves and each other in ways where we want predictability, efficiency – to wrap things up fast, neat and tidy. We want to hit the delete button on our humanity function so we don’t have to deal in the ambiguous realm of what it means to be in true relationship. It can be emotional, messy and unpredictable. Technology gives us a feeling of being in control and a sense that we have a quality of communication and depth of connection that is not possible in sound bites over the air waves.

Technology has it’s place but it should not replace face-to-face human relationships or real voice-to-voice dialogue. Looking into the eyes of your neighbor or co-worker is not the same as skyping them.

We can’t truly connect with others unless we are connected to ourselves. Solitude allows one to reflect and get to know themselves. This requires a deep, quiet listening. It facilitates a processing where we come to explore, discover and understand what we really think and feel about our lives. We hear our own voice versus allowing it to be obliterated or swayed by the din of social media.

When we have this connection within ourselves, we can be more present and connect with others in deeper and more meaningful ways.  When we don’t have this reservoir to draw from within, we look for it to be filled on the outside. A void within can never permanently be filled from outside and a danger is we can end up living someone else’s life versus aligning with our own.

I’ve come across a number of blogs recently where the blogger talks about feeling alone and his/her community of readers then say, “we love you.” Having a virtual life does not replace a real life in flesh. It seems spending REAL time with people is a lost commodity amidst mobile devices and constant social media chatter.

So, I invite you, on this day in spring (in the Western Hemisphere), to go outside and feel the grass beneath your toes, smell the bursting flowers and hear the birds chirp, and have a sit down. Soak in the sun or sit under the eaves in the rain. Just take it in and reflect. When you’ve sat a spell, go down the street to your neighbor or down the hall to your co-worker and have an old fashion conversation. Look into their eyes and ask about their day. Now, how do you feel? What additional information or insight did you receive?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Many spiritual teachers espouse: if you can’t live in the moment and are always searching, you will never be happy. This logically makes sense – and I know this experientially.

Tara Brach tells a great Indian myth that generates keen questions to ponder:

What is within you today that makes you happy – or just laugh outloud?

How many moments have you been present and said this is enough?

Is the present moment what you have been looking for?

When have you said this is the center, meaning, preciousness of my life…this is what counts?

Savor it all. Just for today…

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

Do you know that trees can fertilize plankton that allow the rest of the food chain in the ocean to thrive? Jim Robbins writes about the importance of trees – what we know, what we don’t know and what we take for granted.

I was surprised to learn that trees keep the concrete and asphalt of cities and suburbs 10 or more degrees cooler and protect us from the sun’s harsh UV rays.

Intuitively I know I feel better walking in the woods than anywhere else. Apparently, Japanese researchers call this, “forest bath” as a walk in the woods, “reduces the level of stress chemicals in the body and increases natural killer cells in the immune system.”

I love that term “forest bath.”

Think about how nurturing a luxurious bath can be. You melt away the stress of the day. And we know that trees give off CO2 creating more life around us.

What is something in your world – in your backyard or at work – that nourishes you and you don’t give it the appreciation or attention you could to help de-stress or inspire you?

For me, it IS my majestic trees. I have a dozen very tall and mature pine trees in my front yard. Every time I look outside or open the front door, I feel enveloped by those richly greens. They protect my home. They calm me. They inspire me. Trees matter concretely in my everyday life.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.               www.sagelead.com

How would you condense the themes and patterns of your life into a short story? What have you consciously worked on to change about yourself? Where are you at with radical acceptance? I love Portia Nelson’s Autobiography:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters  By Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walked down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in I am lost… I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place. But, it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in… it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.