My daughter is in high school, the next town over, 15 minutes from the shootings. I received a recorded call about 11:00, “Schools are on lockdown due to the situation at Newtown.” I had no idea what was gong on.

I don’t have a TV so searched online for “news Newtown CT.” Ironically while this was unfolding, my cable company came and I obtained TV for the first time in 2 years. The timing was fortunate in that I was able to quickly pull up the news and am watching the news unfold as I write this.

Our modern age has boundaries more porous than ever. The fact that this gunman was able to get into the school is unbelievable. Also, I was able to text my daughter and reassure her. She told me they didn’t have a lot of news but were in their classrooms carrying on class and the teacher and students were online trying to get news.

At first, it was just the gunman dead. Then one child dead. Now they are saying 27 people dead, 18 of them children. As I write this the numbers are changing. The gunman is 20 years old. These are elementary school students!

It’s been 13 years since Columbine – and this appears to be many more lives. I’m all for freedom of rights but how many more of our children need to be killed before we look more seriously at gunlaws?

The world has become a scarier place with many people in pain and taking it out on those around them. How do we simultaneously protect our children, observe, notice and treat those in pain? How many more children need to die before better actions are taken?

As part of my yoga community, I was planning a healing circle tonight. Now we will have a much fuller circle – of shock and pain join us.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

“I learned I wasn’t in charge of success.  I was in charge of the process that hopefully would yield more success than failure.  I began to be guided by three navigational stakes:

1. My process and my diligence to execute was the best I could do.
2. My attitude and determination to remain positive and confident was a critical catalyst for my success.
3. My resiliency and ability to see failure as but a speed bump on the road to success allowed me to get back up when I was knocked down. “

These are keen insights from Peter Gruber, in his blog post: “Dealing With The Turkeys In Your Life.” At a time, when we are experiencing a lot of chaos, uncertainty and failure – by leaders, corporations and organizations – it’s important to take a longer-term perspective and understand the science of success. You cannot omit failure from the equation, particularly if you are wrestling with building alternative solutions in a complex and changing landscape.

The key is accepting and working with this reality, learning to play and keep your ego in check. Really living like you can’t control others and events, is the first step to wisdom. Acting on what you can control and accepting what you can’t is necessary to taking control of your life or your organization. Anyone in sales will tell you, being successful is a numbers game.

I hate sports analogies but a baseball one is helpful here: the more times up at bat the greater your opportunity to score runs. The more you risk, the greater your chances of succeeding are. This also raises your chance of failing as well. Babe Ruth, an American baseball player who, in his day, beat the record for highest number of homeruns, also had a significantly high number of strikeouts. Why? Every time he was up at bat he gave it his all and was trying for the homerun. His homerun to hits was about 3:1.

If you aren’t risking and sticking your neck out until you feel uncertain, then you are missing an opportunity for real growth – which always lies beyond that which you know or have mastered. Once you’ve done your due diligence and analysis, any decision has an element of artistry or judgment. These days that element may be more pronounced. Failure must accompany sustained or repeated success. Accept this and move on.

It’s not about never failing but asking yourself, what do you do when you fail? Cover it up, rationalize it or own it. How do you learn from it and incorporate it into you how you move forward? What kind of support do you need to increase and sustain the amount of time you are stretched out on a limb?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

The other day I took the train into New York City and arrived at Grand Central Station 45 minutes early for my appointment. This gave me time to walk downstairs to use the restroom. As I hit the last step I suddenly noticed a light, gorgeous melodic sound floating through the air. I couldn’t place it’s source and thought maybe it was being pumped in from the ceiling. Then I sensed it was coming from behind a 3 foot pillar. I walked around the post and discovered a treasure – a gentleman, wearing a derby hat with a tie playing the harp. Yep, he’s the “HarpguyNYC,” Otherwise known as Eric Heger.

Harp

Like an angel from heaven. He sat there gracious, smiling and plucking away. I could have carried on, walking bruskly by like everyone around me. But I decided to stay and appreciate this wonderful gift – and to film him on my iphone. What amazed me even more is he was selling his CDs and his sign read: “Pay What You Want.” What does this mean really? Pay what you have? Pay what you think this CD is worth? Pay what you are willing to pay? Pay what you can get away with?

This man trusted he would somehow be taken care of and get what he needed. Or get what he deserved. There was no fear emanating from him.

I did pick up a CD and put $20 in his case which seemed so little for this concert and attitude uplift.

A mere 10 minute pause and my energy was shifted. A twinkle below grade added a lightness to my day and sparkle in my step. And it allowed me to take an important lesson of trust from this gifted musician.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day in the United States – a day that is just about having a meal with family and friends and being grateful for what we have. It’s my favorite holiday because it is not about what you are giving or getting but about appreciating what you have with those you love and who love and appreciate you.

At a time when much of the world is in pain and chaos, let’s focus on what can help us walk through the thick of it with more grace and peace. Look around and notice the music in your life. Where do things work? Where is there flow? And be grateful. Just for Today.

Thank you for reading.

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

I took a break from this blog for 100 days to regroup on my personal and professional life. All I knew is that I needed time to integrate some deeply disturbing personal matters and to not be so public for a time. And despite what I did or didn’t do, stuff happens anyway.

It’s amazing what a business quarter can bring…. And it’s amazing what radical inner re-sculpting events can activate.

My world changed forever and completely in this time:

My father died suddenly and unexpectedly.
Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the Northeast U.S.
The U.S. re-elected President Obama.

My worked carried on but I am different on the inside being effected by these events:

I take nothing for granted.
I am working on radical acceptance of what is.
I have tremendous gratitude for what I have and who I am.

Just those three events aroused a ton of of other emotions in me: grief, sadness, relief, safety, insecurity, loss, hope, joy.

Even though I was able to sit vigil and say good-bye to my dad while the infection that ravaged his body took him within a week, he is still gone and I miss him. Even though I suffered minimal damage from the hurricane, thousands are still suffering and I’m aware of that. Even though I chose Obama as being the better of no-perfect candidate, his re-election still has implications.

Profound loss for what was, what could have been. I’m working on accepting what is. …and understanding what it means for my life going forward.

That’s all for now. Sometimes taking pause and breathing in change is enough. For now.

It’s like in my yoga practice – one of the greatest poses is shavasana. This is where you are lying down resting. It allows for your body to integrate all that has come before it to help it reset itself. In our culture allowing for integration is not valued. We rarely pause and are on to the next thing. Ebb and flow is the grace of nature that can be our greatest teacher, if we allow it.

Sometimes nothing happens on the outside but we change drastically inside. Sometimes major things happen externally and we don’t change inside. Sometimes it’s hard to change both our external circumstances and our worldview at once. All change requires energy – and we have a finite amount to manage. When things are moving, you need stability somewhere to navigate the waters. Slow down and listen. I am talking to myself here.

I’m learning to allow more space between activity and accomplishments. This fosters integration, the precursor to wisdom.

What is new in your world – either on the inside or the outside?

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

The amygdala is an almond-shaped structure that sits in the front part of the temporal lobe of the brain, as part of the limbic system. It performs a primary role in processing of memory and emotional reactions. The reactions could be positive or negative emotions that can be instantaneous and overwhelming depending upon the stimuli and your associations to the stimuli.

There are few downsides to strong positive emotional reactions when leading people. Strong negative emotions could be anger or frustration or an inappropriate degree or expression of these emotions based on present circumstances. Obviously when leading people these kind of reactions can cause damage to your relationships.

When you have been “hijacked” by your amygdala you are in the full throws of an irrational emotional reaction which means your executive functioning has shut down. Your emotions are in control of you versus you managing them. “Amygdala hijack” is a term that Daniel Goldman coined in his book Emotional Intelligence.

Here are a few things you can do to prevent or minimize your reactions and/or recover more quickly once you realize you’ve been hijacked:

In the moment, to recover:

1. Work on your physiology. Take a deep breath in to the count of 8, hold your breath for 8, breath out for 8 and hold your breath out for 8.

2. Place your hands in front of your solar plexus with all your fingertips touching (thumb to thumb, pinky to pinky, etc.). Take a deep breath in at the count of 4 through your mouth like you are sucking on a cool mint. Hold your breath for 16 counts. Exhale through your nose at 8 counts. Do this for at least 3 cycles.

3. Laugh. At first it will be a forced laugh. Stick with it for 20 seconds and typically it will move to a genuine laugh with others joining you – and not knowing why! This breaks up your energy and re-orients you and those around you.

4. If none of the above work, then physically remove yourself from the situation, preferably going for a walk in fresh air. It will clear your mind and channel your physical energy.

For prevention: longer-term, start to notice what triggers intense reactions in you and work to minimize the associations and reactions.

1. Explore what memories they are associated to and reprogram yourself with positive associations.

2. Develop a strong positive mantra (statement of affirmation) that you repeat to yourself in the moment to thwart an attack.

3. Meditate – this can reset your neural set point.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

So we’ve discussed WHAT listening humbly IS and HOW to do it in posts earlier this week.

Now, let’s talk about times WHEN it is needed.

Well, the short answer is: ALL the time. When is it NOT helpful?

AND, here are a few key times:

1. When you have to influence a colleague or key constituent. To do so, you need to focus on the whats and hows:

a. Content: Make sure you understand their point of view.

b. Relationship: Make sure they feel heard, that you “get it.”

2. When you need to have your constituents understand your vision or buy into your plan of action:

a. You need to make sure you understand their concerns, paradigm, viewpoints so you can best tailor your messages in language and currency that matters to them most and they can best understand.

3. When you find yourself having a strong emotional reaction. This can result in your shutting out new information or alienating others and damaging important relationships:

a. This is what, in neuroscience terms, is referred to as, your amygdala has just been hijacked. As Dr. Relly Nadler states, “The “amygdala hijack” is a term coined in Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence, his first book on the subject. The amygdala is the emotional part of the brain, which regulates the fight or flight response. When threatened, it can respond irrationally. A rush of stress hormones floods the body before the prefrontal lobes (regulating executive function) can mediate this reaction.”

b. The key point here is: we all have our triggers and our moments. You want to make sure you are proactive about identifying them earlier, more often and managing them more closely. Committing to practicing humble listening is one way that you can prevent hijacking. When you feel the temperature start to rise, take a deep, full-chested breath and ask a clarifying question to seek more information.

Stay tuned for more on the Amygdala Hijacking in next post…

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

Building on yesterday’s post, here is an Operator’s Manual on HOW to listen humbly:

1. Check your ego at the door. It’s more important that your colleague thinks what a great listener you are, then how smart you are.

2. Get curious. Wonder. Inquire.

3. Seek to understand – from THEIR point of view.

4. Stop. Be quiet. Allow them to respond. Sit on your hands if you need to!

5. Paraphrase/summarize what your colleague is saying in your own words. This will force you to stay with them.

6. Listen at deeper layers of meaning and inference. The deeper your go with adding what you are inferring and what meaning you attach to what they are saying, the more fruitful the information.

7. Seek confirmation. Make sure you have accurately captured what they are saying– that you’ve got it right. Ask: “Is this accurate?” “Is this what you mean?” They will confirm or correct you.

8. Do NOT move on until you get the “yes”. There can be no “no,” objection or advocacy on your part until you get the “yes”. This means that you have actually listened AND understood them.

9. Once, you’ve got it – THEN go to action, telling – or whatever is appropriate.

This dynamic of alternating between advocating, inquiring, reflecting – should be fluid and organic, as a conversation is. If you are trying some new skills for the first time, it might feel a little stilted at first. With practice, over time, it will be more smooth.

As you do your daily listening workout, make sure you have a trusted advisor to give you in-the-moment feedback on how WELL you are PRACTICING listening – and humbly. One cannot be an accurate gauge on their own humility. I call this person a “street coach” – someone who is there with you in the trenches on a daily basis.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

I agree with GE’s Jeff Immelt that Humble Listening is a key competency for leading today.

In an HBR article, Ram Charan points out that listening is a discipline. This implies it requires a level of rigor and sustained practice over time: keeping the intent to practice at the forefront of your mind, doing it, and proactively seeking feedback and incorporating the feedback for refined practice.

I’d like to focus on: what does it mean to listen humbly and how do you do it?

Be honest, don’t you often find yourself listening to someone with a biased view – looking for the “in,” so you can figure out how you need to tailor what you say – to persuade, inform or get yourself heard? This is really advocating in disguise. Advocating is telling, not listening. We rarely listen or listen actively with a truly curious, open mind, putting our needs/views aside.

Merriam Webster’s defines listening as “To give ear to…To hear something with thoughtful attention. To be alert to…” If we give someone our ear, it means that THEY are filling us with information that we need to process. If we are alert and paying attention, we are not assuming what they are going to say but are with them in the moment.

Think about it energetically as to how much you are taking in or pushing out information. Telling is pushing out. Asking and reflecting are taking in. A 30/70 ratio probably is more suitable for the humble listener. Afterall, we do have ONE mouth and TWO ears.

What does it mean to be humble? To listen without arrogance, believing that you don’t have all the answers. To listen without aggression. The notion of taking in implies a receiving, more passive state.

If you haven’t emptied yourself, then you can’t take in. Active listening is taking in, pausing, reflecting and digesting the information. Then you verify for correct receiving, that you have heard the speaker accurately.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post –  Humble Listening #2 – Operator’s Manual on HOW to Listen Humbly.

Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

As spoken so eloquently by Lois Geller. If you have a strong brand – when someone sees your logo, hears your name or the name of your company, they immediately have a gestalt of who you are and what you are about. They have a visceral, emotional connection to the essence of what your brand represents.

Lois goes on to say that a great brand has a “patina” on it. This is a film on a bronze or copper piece that lets you know it’s an authentic antique. Strong brands have an authenticity about them that allows you to instantly identify them amidst the clutter of competing attention. There is an implicit trust that your brand will deliver on what you promise.

Here at Sage Leadership, we strive to represent wisdom, truth, honesty: to embody these qualities ourselves and to help you discover and live these values, particularly while you grapple with complex, difficult issues. If they were easy, you wouldn’t need help! It is at these times when you are tested the most, that you can be tempted to compromise.

We define these “values in action” as:

Wisdom – culling lessons learned from your experiences and applying them going forward to enhance your results – doing this with head and heart.

Truth – identifying and sharing what is real and true for you based on your current facts and perceptions.

Honesty – being fair, straightforward and sincere in all dealings.

In our view, whether you are an individual or an organization, consistently actioning these values is the only path to sustainable growth over time.

Living these values during difficult times is the true test of leadership because real growth is hard! Growth is rarely a linear, smooth path, so it requires your steadfast commitment. It is truly a sage leader who can uphold these values under pressure and hardship.

We hope this is your experience with us.

What are some of the most powerful brands that speak to you?

© Copyright 2012 Sage Leadership Strategies, LLC All rights Reserved.

The 21st century socially-networked, information-flooded world today requires a multi-dimensional approach to leadership and influencing your constituents.

Although I am quoting from an article in the Nonprofit Quarterly, and the examples referenced are the current debate on women’s reproductive health and other social movements, there are key points that are relevant for leaders of all sectors.

Decide what applies to you as you navigate the whitewaters of organizational change today:

“…leaning into discomfort, I think, is critical, to make sure that what we are doing …is bold enough. The organization had better be feeling discomfort if it’s leaning into new strategies and ways of working….

“You have always to ask, Am I pushing for the change that’s really needed? On all of those levels, you have to continually refresh and check and make sure that you’re getting the most power for the mission by being as uncomfortable as possible. Because change is hard, and the reason why you have to look at all those different levels—yourself, your organization, and then the world—is that if you’re not willing to hold the tension of change as an organization, how can you begin to understand what you have to risk and what others have to risk to make change happen in the world?”

“ …In a world full of current and future ambiguities, leaders have to stay nimble and ready to rebalance their organizations to fit most powerfully into a whole field/ movement strategy. The skills of consultation and engagement with other leaders inside and outside of an organization are never entirely straightforward but have to be kept moving in the right direction whenever a door seems to crack open—or needs to be cracked open.

“In connected environments, leaders know that networks are always teetering on the edge of balance, requiring many small adjustments to achieve a measure of dynamic stasis. I have found that a networked leader has to be in constant motion, paying attention to the habits and the small stimuli needed to incessantly reconstitute balance and motion. One must learn to feel the current of change, look for and recognize resonance, and deploy oneself not as prod, but as a pivot for the many moments of change that are called for every day.”

Keep moving and lean into your edge.

Enough said.